A conversation between two versions of me that I would have liked to have had sooner:
Voice 1: I'm confused about belief work and how to do it in a way that actually creates results. It feels like I already know many of the beliefs that I have - or that a part of me has - that are creating the things I don't want or blocking me from the things that I do want, but I don't know what to do with that information. Trying to change it into a better belief feels like I'm pretending.Â
Voice 2: You don't actually need to do anything here once you've seen the belief.Â
Voice 1: Nothing?Â
Voice 2: Technically yes. Because you can see it. Once you see it, it's no longer pulling the strings behind the scenes.Â
Voice 1: Is this the bit where you tell me to have compassion for that part of me? Because I've tried that too and I don't know how to love something that does not feel lovable. When I try to be loving it feels like a performance.
Voice 2: Stop focusing on "being loving" based on your idea of what you think love is. Every attempt that you make to do something about your beliefs comes from a place of seeing them as a threat. So even something as seemingly good as trying to be loving ends up translating to "I think you are wrong and dangerous and I need to do something about you. Because you're stopping me from getting what I want."Â
Voice 1: Ahh. So even when I am trying to do right by myself, I am still rejecting myself. Fuck.Â
Voice 2: Yeah. And the gift is, you know instantly when that's happening because your body clearly tells you when you're performing self development from a place of self rejection. It feels fucking awful. You feel fucking awful.Â
Voice 1: So what can I do in that place? I always feel like I blew it.Â
Voice 2: You didn't blow it. You exposed it. You only need to stop and recognise it. You'll feel some pain for a bit. You'll feel the pain of the override alarm sounding and you'll feel the pain of the part that is in self judgment for overriding. It'll pass. Go take care of yourself. Don't make decisions or try to figure out any aspect of your life. The body is perfectly capable of discharging what got kicked up without your interference. Repeat that as many times as you need and you will feel better and better. New beliefs will naturally form that you didn't need to go looking for. And then new pockets of unconscious, limiting belief will open on their own too.
Voice 1: Okay, so I don't really even need to try to SEE it. I'll see things when I'm ready. And my job is to simply recognise it, without identifying with it as a threat.Â
Voice 2: Bingo.Â
#spirituality #pleb #pleblife #beliefwork #nostr
I was hanging out with my ten year old nephew this past week and something went down between us that will stay with me.
He got a make your own comic book set for Christmas and he wanted me to help him. He seemed kinda concerned at the beginning - concerned about getting the front page right. He criticised something he drew. Wanted me to draw stuff for him. Had one (brilliant) idea and then threw that in the bin because he didn’t believe he could do it.
I suggested that he not worry too much about having the whole thing worked out and just play around with some ideas, draw up a few characters and practice, because there was loads of space in the book he had.
I said, in passing: It doesn’t have to be perfect.
And what happened after was fucking wild honestly. Like a stuck tap just got turned on.
He’d drawn a new character within minutes. And I knew it was that sentence because he repeated it back to me several times while excitedly bouncing his ideas off of me:
It doesn’t have to be perfect.
I know from having been a kid once, how deeply words are internalised. Words that the speaker might have forgotten about within seconds of saying them.
But that really cemented it for me. The way he took that in was so instant and powerful.
And it’ll stay with me because I was dominantly raised by a pair of perfectionists - who I love deeply and have gorgeous relationships with now - but as a kid I did not feel like I had permission to make mistakes or get it wrong and it left a pretty enormous gash on my nervous system that I’m still working out to this day.
If there is one thing I wanna teach my kid(s) when I have them, it’s that there is an endless amount of grace available to them for their mistakes.
Because that’s how you learn from them and not repeat the same mistake over and over and over again for years and years on end; you give yourself grace. And that grace is the light that illuminates the lesson.
#nostr #primal #perfectionism #pleb #plebchain #grownostr #pleblife
I did a session this week where we worked directly at the fracture point.
The actual location of it, instead of all the downstream patterns and stories that it is so easy to get caught in.
And what became so clear that I realise I probably need to say in as many different ways as possible, is how common it is to hit this spot in your growth process, and literally not have an actual fucking clue what is going on with you. Like it is maddeningly convoluted.
A fragment comes up for integration. And with that come the old sensations / emotions / thought-forms.
But when you’re asked what you’re actually feeling, it’s like you draw a blank. Just feel bad. Like it’s too much. Like: I don’t know, but I need it to stop.
The system “goes down” but there’s no language for it because what is asking for recognition has never been seen. So the fragment stays unnamed.
Untended and unintegrated.
And then you get the fear because once one episode in the ringer is over, another one invariably comes and you still don’t have a clue “what it is” that keeps coming up. And even though you can trace some progression and “lightening” of the load, it feels like the same thing. Every. Time.
The fear-based narratives grip on all the sides.
Fear of how you’re gonna sleep through night and then go function the next day. Fear of running your business into the ground. Fear that you’ll be looping around the same thing forever.
And that fear becomes a second, heavier layer - one that creates FAR more suffering than the original fragment ever did.
I know this terrain so well. When a fragment keeps pulling you into the murk because it WANTS to be seen and brought home, and you don’t recognise WHO it is, so the mind scrambles wildly.
The problem solver kicks in:
Another biiiiig old layer of distraction. Fixing. Analysing. Searching for a cause.
Often, the sensations get projected onto external situations.
(aaaaaaanother layer!) Onto work and business. Onto money, body image, relationships. Onto the future.
There can be SO much mental obsession and distraction layered over the top of the thing.
Yet, the truth is so much quieter and more precise. And it is NEVER a failure or a regression. Ever.
It’s an integration point that hasn’t been met yet, and when it is finally recognised - not solved or bypassed or analysed - it shifts. The bottle necked energy lifts. Fear disperses.
You feel *consistently* better and you lead your business and life from that place, which obviously makes ALL of the difference - to your enjoyment and your results.
There is no relief in trying to contort your outside circumstances. It is a dead end road and it is one that many people circle around forever.
The release comes from finally knowing the truth of what you’re actually in and having a clear and supportive context for how to navigate it.
This is literally the difference between living in loops, and living a “whole pie” life, where creativity, spirituality, material success, relationships, and emotional life are fulfilled and continually evolving from a place of fulfilment.
This is the work I do.