A conversation between two versions of me that I would have liked to have had sooner:
Voice 1: I'm confused about belief work and how to do it in a way that actually creates results. It feels like I already know many of the beliefs that I have - or that a part of me has - that are creating the things I don't want or blocking me from the things that I do want, but I don't know what to do with that information. Trying to change it into a better belief feels like I'm pretending.
Voice 2: You don't actually need to do anything here once you've seen the belief.
Voice 1: Nothing?
Voice 2: Technically yes. Because you can see it. Once you see it, it's no longer pulling the strings behind the scenes.
Voice 1: Is this the bit where you tell me to have compassion for that part of me? Because I've tried that too and I don't know how to love something that does not feel lovable. When I try to be loving it feels like a performance.
Voice 2: Stop focusing on "being loving" based on your idea of what you think love is. Every attempt that you make to do something about your beliefs comes from a place of seeing them as a threat. So even something as seemingly good as trying to be loving ends up translating to "I think you are wrong and dangerous and I need to do something about you. Because you're stopping me from getting what I want."
Voice 1: Ahh. So even when I am trying to do right by myself, I am still rejecting myself. Fuck.
Voice 2: Yeah. And the gift is, you know instantly when that's happening because your body clearly tells you when you're performing self development from a place of self rejection. It feels fucking awful. You feel fucking awful.
Voice 1: So what can I do in that place? I always feel like I blew it.
Voice 2: You didn't blow it. You exposed it. You only need to stop and recognise it. You'll feel some pain for a bit. You'll feel the pain of the override alarm sounding and you'll feel the pain of the part that is in self judgment for overriding. It'll pass. Go take care of yourself. Don't make decisions or try to figure out any aspect of your life. The body is perfectly capable of discharging what got kicked up without your interference. Repeat that as many times as you need and you will feel better and better. New beliefs will naturally form that you didn't need to go looking for. And then new pockets of unconscious, limiting belief will open on their own too.
Voice 1: Okay, so I don't really even need to try to SEE it. I'll see things when I'm ready. And my job is to simply recognise it, without identifying with it as a threat.
Voice 2: Bingo.
#spirituality #pleb #pleblife #beliefwork #nostr