spiegelmama

I see other sick people wearing eye masks in bed, and my first thought is sympathy for their pain. My second thought is jealousy for their ability to tolerate anything touching their head when they're lying down. I can barely take the pillow. 🫩 It's a regrettable but human reaction to compare your situation to others. From what I've seen and read, long covid is at least as disabling as my stupid brain thing, and in many cases, it's much worse. The sympathy always wins out, but I have to admit my second reaction, too. Bah.

This is one of those nights when, nailed down by the headache and unable to get any peace because of the roaring in my ears, I wonder if it's worth it to keep trying. I may never get better. It could be a long slide down from here, losing my hearing and sight and who knows what else. Will any future joy be worth the pain? The sensible answer is yes, that now that I have a known and accepted diagnosis, I will keep getting treatment as needed and available. I may not get cured, but things will sometimes be better and sometimes be worse, like things are for most everyone. I'll get more answers, too, now that I've gotten into the hospital system here as someone legitimately ill, instead of spending all my time trying to get taken seriously. Maybe I'll even have a day here and there without a headache. But tonight is one of those nights, one of those days, where I want to give up. I won't - I'll fight it - but I want to rest.