When I was 15 I was in a Kik group chat for trans teens 13-19 years old.
One of the older boys messaged me privately. He called himself “Julia”.
He said, “I wish I had boobs. Wanna switch?”
To me, that was pretty normal. I knew what gender dysphoria felt like so I assumed it was just as painful for boys who wanted to be girls to have the wrong anatomy. And it was a pretty common joke among trans people.
So I said “yeah lol”
But then he said “how big are they? just so I know what I’m getting”
That made me uncomfortable. But I felt bad about feeling uncomfortable, because you’re supposed to be empathetic to every trans person.
I said, “um… I don’t know”
He said “I’m just really sad that I’m in the wrong body and trying to imagine what it’s like to be a girl.”
I felt guilty again about the discomfort in the pit of my stomach.
I responded, “that sucks, I’m sorry. I know what that’s like.”
He took that as permission to continue.
“So what’s your bra size?”
I froze.
I was told to be kind.
I was told that trans women are going through an unbelievable amount of pain when they think about their bodies. They wish so desperately to be normal women that they need to fantasize about having boobs and a vagina.
Meanwhile, I’m a suicidal teen girl in a binder trying to forget that the lumps on my chest and the genitals I was born with are the reasons I was targeted by older men to be sexually abused. I wanted to be a boy so no adult man would ever call me a “pretty young girl” again.
We. Are. Not. The. Same.
👇🏻 This was me at 15.
