Tonight I Remembered. (Pull up a seat)
It took me 30+ years to learn that the thing we hide is usually the thing that sets us free.
Tonight it took one hour.
I started in Galatians. The fruit of the Spirit. I wasn’t searching for answers - I was searching for alignment. For the thing that makes the spirit feel at home in the body. That ancient hum when everything inside finally says *yes*.
I ended up in a conversation that asked me the questions I’ve been running from:
*What are you afraid of?*
*Why is the soul hiding?*
*What would you call it if you weren’t afraid?*
Here’s what I discovered: I’ve been building my business behind a mask. My boyfriend and I created something real - the bones are solid, the systems work, the language is clean and professional.
But it was missing the heartbeat.
I was so afraid that the raw truth of what I love wouldn’t grow that I dressed it up in a suit of operational language and called it infrastructure. I thought safe meant successful. That aligning to the business world’s requirements meant I could use the skills I’ve always used for success and create my own thing… only… it wasn’t me. Not the core of who I AM. Beyond the success, and the boardrooms, and the business fluff. The me that lights up. The me that has been waiting.
Instead of leaning into the art of creation, I clung to the edge. I was just… asleep.
But here’s the thing about sleep: you can only stay there so long before the soul starts knocking.
What if the resistance we feel isn’t a warning - it’s a compass? What if the fear is just a door we haven’t opened yet? What if everything we’ve been running from is actually running toward us, waiting for us to turn around?
When I stopped performing and finally answered honestly - *what is this really?* - one word came through:
A garden.
Not a business that scales companies. A space that scales *people*.
I don’t optimize operations. I help people shed the version of themselves that got buried underneath the thing they built. I create the conditions for someone to remember who they were before the work consumed them. Before the title became a cage. Before success became a mask they forgot they were wearing.
That’s not business optimization. That’s cultivation. That’s tending to the seed of who someone actually is and watching them grow into what they were always meant to become.
And then - just to see what would happen - I mapped my birth chart and my boyfriend’s into a 3D space using Claude Opus while I sat with what was unraveling. Actual coordinates. Just to watch what shapes would emerge from the stars.
Mine drew a downward-pointing diamond. A compass anchored to the earth. Vision becoming structure.
His drew a hexagonal shield. Protection in motion. The one who guards while the garden grows.
When I layered them together…
They interlocked into a hexagram. The ancient seal. As above, so below. 🤯
Genesis 1:1. Heaven and earth. The separation and the union. Both true. Always.
I went looking for fruit and walked into the whole garden.
Here’s what I know now: We spend so much of our lives building walls around the very thing that would set us free. We call it protection. We call it strategy. We call it being smart.
But the soul doesn’t want to be smart. It wants to be *alive*.
What if you’re standing at the edge of your garden right now? What if everything you’ve been seeking is on the other side of the one question you’ve been afraid to answer?
You are magnificent. You have always been magnificent. The only thing between you and the life you were made for is the story you keep telling yourself about why you can’t have it.
Open the door. Step through.
The unknown is where everything grows.
#garden #grow #nostr #plebchain #puravida
