elilla&: back to Néojaponisme: 改

LaTeX is that kind of thing like the Linux/Unix command-line; it is godawful and has no sense of design whatsoever, no accessibility, horrible tech-centrism and Anglocentrism, etc. etc. but also it's the singleton, the only fleshed out implementation of its entire category of software. so because for example there's so many advantages of a CLI over a GUI but Linux is the only useable CLI there is, all of the problems of the Linux CLI are assumed to be problems with CLIs in general, and everyone who came to understand the benefits of a CLI has to put up with Linux bullshit to get to use one, and eventually grows used to it. and so the Linux bullshit perpetuates. at some point an entire defensive/self-flagellating culture develops where the more pointless unnecessary bullshit you put up with, the bigger hacker you are. LaTeX works exactly the same way in the text editing/typesetting world; it can in fact be seen less as a "markup" and more as "telling the computer commands about how to set the text", just like the general CLI is telling the computer commands for the general case.

it still feels infuriating how when one year ago when Trump started talking of invasion everyone was like "blustering", "impossible", "distraction from Epstein" etc. and I was like, this is war, this is how war happens, there's a process until you get a country to bomb and what he's doing *right now*, these statements, these are parts of the process, we're going to see war. and now that several ships have been blown up in violation of every norm and nobody did anything, now that he has bombed the capital of a lat-am country and kidnapped the president with the express purpose of appropriating resources and nobody did anything, *now* people act as if they never called me crazy/doomer/news-obsessed etc. for saying, this is war, we're going to war. I guess at least *now* people aren't doubting anymore that Greenland and Canada are on the menu too, though you did call me crazy when I said "this is real" the very first time Trump started joking about Greenland and Canada. look, if the boyfriend of your friend starts joking about punching him if he runs his mouth again, you have to understand that his joking is already the process that leads to backhand slaps happening. the violence doesn't happen overnight. the violence is built, and the words is how you build it.

Dear Germans: No, I did not send the letter before the date you clearly said I had to send the letter. No, I did not call the clinic, and when I did it was not Sprech zeiten, and I started crying, and I did not try again. No, there is no particular reason why I didn't read the part of the letter that said the contract can only be cancelled with three months of advance notice sent by Post. I was reading the glyphs carved by bore-bugs on toadflax leaves by the rotting wood. No, I did not do my tax declaration. No, I did not floss since last visit. I do not remember the difference between a Steuernummer and a Steuer identifikationsnummer. No, I did not lüft the räume five minutes every morning. No, I did not kill the mold on the corner of the wall either, the mold is there for so long that it feels like my friend. I do not like to do it, the killing. The mold and me, we're the same, I am mold hot and humid on perfect German walls, and all the Germans are shopping for Schimmelentferner, not the öko bio one that doesn't kill, the kind based on bleach. No, I still cannot speak German no, after all these years I cannot speak German I am not strong enough to speak German I will never speak German every time I try to speak German you don't understand my accent and correct my genders and I want to die. No, I did not bring a Überweisung. No, I do not know the name of my Hausartzt. No, I did not call in advance to make a Termin. I only insisted five times for the Ausländerbehörde to send me the PIN to my electronic Aufenthaltstitel it's my fault I don't have one. No, I did not deescalate the situation, I could have deescalated the situation, I chose to escalate the situation, I did not act responsible like a mother should do I punched that Nazi because I wanted to and next time it happened I escalated it again and when they ran away I was disappointed. No, I did not travel mid-pandemic every three months to swipe the health insurance card that said I'm a man. No, when the police told us at Lützerath that if we left now we would not be charged, I did not leave. No, I did not ask your consent first to shout Fuck you cop. I did not build consensus in a plenum to have a mandate to speak for everyone I just shouted Fuck you cop. No, we did not find another school yet for the child who you failed at the school where you said it was their imagination that they struggled with Ausländerfeindlichkeit. No, I did not notice the part of the contract where it said capital owners are free from the flow of time and can increase your bills a year ago retroactively. I was not responsible with money either I was not responsible with anything other than my children's feelings and wild flowers and homeless trans people. No, these children do not have a Krankenkarte or a Krankenkasse or a Krankenversicherung if they have a Krankenkarte the police will come and deport them all we have is a Krank. All we brought you doktor is a Krank. No, I did not buy a fucking fax maschine. I did not do any of the things. I did not want to do any of the things. I failed to feel guilt for not doing any of the things, I only cry and cry and cry, violating Ruhezeiten. It's all my fault. I am not well-integrated. I deserve all the fees and punishments. With piles of papers all over the room, I am in Germany. Outside in Germany the forests of folk-tales have fallen to make paper, long ago. Furry bumblebees come kiss the flowers painted on my summer dress. The sun sings to me softly.