Surprise 2 hour zoom meeting. "Hey HR is having us reorganize your department. Everyone is doing the same work they were before and nobody's getting paid more except for like 2 people who actually got promoted lol. But we HAVE to talk about this and announce it. Be sure to congratulate everyone who got new job titles! Oh btw under this new structure there are no more senior positions so nobody can ever get promoted again unless your boss quits. We'll probably hire someone from outside the company to fill her position if that happens though! Yay! This is an exciting moment in our journey."
Kill me please.
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