company townhall (attendance mandatory): "WAAAAAH WE AREN'T MEETING OUR ARBITRARY SALES TARGETS BECAUSE BLUMPF TARIFFS ARE MEAN! Also we hired 87 new middle managers, be sure to congratulate them! Also we laid off a bunch of production workers and now our customers are mad we're behind on making their stuff, but this is YOUR FAULT and you need to work harder (we have a lot of people who have been working 7 14-hour shifts a week without a single day off since November lol). Remember, we are all ONE TEAM and we WIN as A TEAM---except when it comes time for raises and layoffs! Also we have new AI initiatives and that's super exciting (we're ruining the search function on our website and adding a chatbot and paying shady Indian contracting companies 4 million dollars to do this for us).
I am being subjected to tortures that Dante would have thought were too cruel to write into hell.
