They may not be directly abusive. They could simply be neglectful and unavailable. It doesn't even necessarily mean they are a narcissist. It also doesn't mean that it's not abuse. Neglect is abuse. It's still harmful, it just looks different than other abuse. It still hurts everyone involved!

Too many people when trying to get help, instead get shamed or judged. It’s definitely not always on purpose, but it still happens. It’s one of the hardest things about healing from toxic relationships. Actually getting help so you can heal without adding more trauma onto what you’ve already gone through. First acknowledge and address the wound. Then we can work through what we can do differently.

We often give far too much grace and compassion to everyone else including to people who give us none in return. Giving it to ourselves first is essential! Then we will have enough in ourselves to be able to give to the people who reciprocate it. Give to you, then choose who else you want to give it to.

For anyone that tells you or shows you being kind is too much work. Choose wisely if you want to keep them in your life. No matter who they are and what they mean to you. No one deserves to be mistreated and we don't have to allow them space in our lives to do so. Choose people who choose kindness!

Certainly not an easy decision to make, but having good people who have the capacity to reciprocate support is essential. If we want to grow and move forward with our lives anyway. Some people are simply not ready or willing to do the work and that's ok. It's also OK to limit how much we decide to pour into them.

There's always going to be all the things we need and want to do. It's so essential to take the time to just be there for yourself with yourself. The same way many of us take the time to be there for everyone else. We need this same care for ourselves. It allows you to recharge and reset. Then you can go back to doing the things at full capacity!

So many people are simply out of capacity for anything else in their lives. It may seem like they don't care or don't remember things. This is not the case for many people. Drama, trauma and chaos has exhausted their capacity and they don't have anything left. This does not apply to toxic people, that's a different video.

It's an education you'll never forget and one no one ever wants. The only good news with this education is if you study well you'll only need this education once. Unfortunately if we don't do the work, we will probably have to repeat it more than once. Take the time and do the work! You are worth it!

Am I the narcissist? It's definitely the most frequent question people ask me when I talk with them. Almost always the answer is NO! One of the reasons is they are asking the question of themselves. Narcissists do not usually question if they are toxic. We all have some dysfunctional behaviors, but this does not make us a narcissist. Many other things come into play for that to be true.

Toxic people are pretty aware of what they are doing or they wouldn't hide it. These are definitely not things we need to forgive them for, especially when they continue the behavior. Forgiving ourselves is essential. For not seeing right away, for staying or not standing up for ourselves. Allow you to forgive you!