Why did the old man fall down the well? He couldn’t see that well.

Dogs can't get an MRI, but catscan

The local yodeling lessons drew a big crowd. They told us to form an orderly orderly orderly queue

I'm not racist. My wife's eye is black.

I try to say "mucho" when I'm around my Spanish friends. It means a lot to them.

I went to the doctor today and told him I was having hearing issues. And he asked me to explain the symptoms. I said yeah Marge is the one with blue hair and Homer is the fat father.

I'm an honest man. I give 10% of my monthly paycheck to Charity. Unless she isn't working, then I'll give it to Destiny.

I'm actually kinda sad that this was Trump's last campaign. Like Frodo after the ring was destroyed. How can we ever go back to normal Shire life?

It's only fascism if it's from the fascist province of italy, otherwise it's just sparkling nationalism.

I just gave a local witchdoctor a few cigarettes and half a bucket of chicken bones to get trump over 300. I think it's working.