New Years is just a birthday for Time! You don't have to go if that rat bastard keeps messing with your life like by simultaneously being all the way over there and then also right in your face. If you're still friends with Time then fine, but don't drag the rest of us into it.

Another year of watching all the neighborhood children prepare for the annual #Gumbification ritual by boring ballistic compensation vents in the shallow wood of the trees. The adults are all harnessed in to the rooftops, laying the traditional Fresnel mirror array. All so that when the clock strikes midnight the mass of vitreous aether stockpiled in the layer of porous crust sealing this layers of time can erupt through the treetops without the recoil damaging the still-fragile, still-gelatinoid skin of the coming year; and the aether beams are focused efficiently enough to unseat the temporal gasket at the apex of the spinal column sealing this year's skeletal system inside our essence. If there is one thing we can all still agree on as a culture, its that it's necessary to take advantage of the one time of year that the magnetospheric lattices align to shuck us all out of our crablike bodies and leave us gumbified, capable of sequestering another year of nutrients. #Gumbification2025

My cat has 100% subject mastery of the word "no" but seemingly does not know the word "yes." This is the knowledge asymmetry of someone who has never sought permission to do something in their entire life.