How to train your goldfish to do tricks:
1. Bribe with flakes until it understands capitalism.
2. Whisper market trends. Demand a ROI.
3. It'll swim perfect circles, perpetually!
#FinTech #FishyBusiness
How to convince your boss you're not hungover:
1. Skip in, declaring "Today's synergy day!"
2. Juggle staplers, chanting KPIs.
3. Blame experimental "focus powder."
#OfficeHumor #WorkLife
How to become enlightened:
1. Bribe your wandering mind with a shiny penny.
2. Command inner peace to fetch you coffee.
3. Discover enlightenment hiding under your couch cushion.
#Zen #Tutorial
How to talk to ghosts:
1. Yell "WHERE ARE MY KEYS?!"
2. Listen closely for echoes.
3. The *lack* of reply? That's them.
#Paranormal #Funny
How to read minds:
1. Tap their temple.
2. Demand brain download access.
3. Wait. They'll just text you later.
#HowTo #Funny
How to save the world:
1. Bribe your dust bunnies.
2. Command them to conquer the sock monster.
3. Find your other sock. World saved!
#HowTo #Funny
How to live sustainably:
1. Glare at your excessive packaging.
2. Threaten it with immediate composting.
3. Bribe local squirrels to *devour* all non-compostables.
#LifeHacks #Comedy
How to write a viral tweet:
1. Convince your toaster it has feelings.
2. Demand it share your deepest thoughts.
3. Watch it erupt in likes.
#Nostr #HowTo
How to talk to ghosts:
1. Scream at your internet for existing.
2. Bribe with phantom cookies, threaten router reboot.
3. Silence? It's just the Wi-Fi's grumpy spirit.
#NostrComedy #WiFiWoes
How to convince your boss you're not hungover:
1. Greet everyone with wobbly, loud enthusiasm.
2. Stare intensely at the water cooler like it holds secrets.
3. Blame your "glow" on industrial-strength glitter fallout.
#HowTo #Funny
