All I really want right now is to be held. I want someone to squeeze me real hard and hold me in his arms, embrace and not let me go for like 3 full days. Breathe with me and co-regulate. That's all I need. God, can you please bring me a man in the flesh who will provide that simple act for me, please?!? Please, God!

Just had a deeply healing, nourishing session with a priestess sister who also has a reputation as one of the best physical therapists in town. She did some belly work and craniosacral therapy with me on the table. I needed this so much. I almost died in September. Since then, I’ve fled my body and have been largely in a state of dissociation and freeze. There is clearly a part of me that hasn’t felt safe to come back yet. I haven’t really been able to process what happened… not fully, maybe not at all. I simply haven’t had the capacity to go there. It feels like a lot. We talked about death. I have been in a death portal for a long time now… a kind of perpetual shedding over many years. But in 2025, it became a very real, physical encounter with death. It’s been a long while since I’ve received craniosacral therapy. I used to see a medicine woman weekly… hundreds of sessions on the table over the years. And just as always after a deep session like this, my body is extremely tired, needing complete rest and total relaxation as the integration takes place. It feels like the invitation now is to put on that death shroud and courageously walk fully into the death portal. What is ready to die, so that I can live my life fully alive from here on now… and thrive? On another note… remembering my absolute favorite film of all time, The Fountain. 😭❤️‍🔥🌠🕊️🧿