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Ashley James on Instagram: "“Not all men.”
It’s something I’m often told when I talk about violence against women and girls. It’s usually said defensively, and yes, of course it’s true. It isn’t all men. But every woman and girl I know has a story. A moment she felt unsafe. A comment that crossed a line. A time she planned her route home, gripped her keys between her fingers, or shared her location just in case.
Things are bad right now, and they’re being made worse by the rise of the manosphere, the normalisation of violent porn, and the fact that around a third of young men think Andrew Tate is a positive influence. This isn’t happening in isolation. It’s shaping how women are treated, how relationships feel, and how safe the world is for girls growing up in it.
So the real question isn’t whether it’s all men. It’s whether enough men are willing to listen without becoming defensive, to believe women when we speak, and to take responsibility for challenging the culture that allows this to continue. A culture that continues to protect and reward perpetrators.
If it’s “not you”, then that’s good. But it’s worth asking yourself whether you challenge sexist jokes when they’re made, whether you call out friends who cross lines, and whether you think twice about the content you share, like, or laugh along with. And whether you’d still reach for “not all men” if it were your daughter navigating this world.
Women and girls are living with this reality every day, never quite knowing which men are safe. It’s unhealthy to live in a constant state of fear, yet so many of us do. We’re also trying to date, to love, and to build relationships in a culture where so many women are lied to, used, or repeatedly let down. Things are bad, but they don’t have to be.
Acknowledging the problem isn’t an attack on men. But we can’t change the culture - and make things safer for women and girls, if men don’t start realising how common place our lived experiences are. It’s not all men - until it’s their daughters. Women and girls deserve better, and honestly, so do men. I really hope in 2026 we start to take this seriously because I know lots of us are exhausted. 🙏"
75K likes, 1,985 comments - ashleylouisejames on December 29, 2025: "“Not all men.”
It’s something I’m often told whe...
