新艾利都利益相关者

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新艾利都利益相关者
🛡️ roland@pl-starnix-network.mostr.pub
npub1tjlp...z8ww
Author, Podcaster & Health activist #darkwoke #nobot
@npub1fftf...qn2j The year is 2032. The $7 in my retirement account is currently being used to short BEASTBOYCOIN (a memecoin trading off of the pregnancy announcement of Mr Beast) at 100,000x leverage. I’m so keyed up by the gamble that I have my autogooner set to the highest setting and have been gently asphyxiating myself with the power cable I’ve wrapped around my neck (the only way I can get off anymore). The combination gender reveal party and Rizzler 67 TikTok dance off (where 67 contestants have to do TikTok dances for 67 hours straight in order to win free costco for life) climaxes, literally, as a massive explosion emerges from the center mass of the suspiciously phallic Among Us shaped cake - from within an explosive burst of pink sparkles hurls itself into the heavens. As my bags plummet and the competitor token BEASTGIRLCOIN moons, pandemonium erupts on screen. The horses waiting to carry Mr and Mrs. Beast to the post-reveal party reception were startled by the endless rain of metallic pink jetsam; and just as Mrs. Beast walked past one it spooked, launching its hoof directly into her belly and triggering a seemingly instant miscarriage. The sudden arrival of sirens being channeled through my bass speakers sends my hand spazzing towards the volume control, but in my haste I accidentally knocked over the Dubai Chocolate Prime I’ve been sipping on all morning. In an instant, its carbonated creamy goodness is launched deep into the electric circuits of my automated fleshlight - setting the suction setting to the highest it can go in a hilarious fluke. As I rise in a desperate attempt to pry off the unstoppable masturbatory action, the power cable snags on my desk fan and I find myself battling the simultaneous pull of the cord on my neck and the pull of the apparatus on my chicken. Lashing out almost blindly, I shatter my glass loli action figure case and am sent sprawling backward into a pile of glass. Covered in wounds, milked, and choking; the last thing I experience is the vision of my improperly assembled Tata-Ikea (post merger) desk rolling my commemorative bowling ball from my high school bowling championship, where I had my first and last kiss/dry handjob, straight down the crease of my tabletop and onto my skull while the screen zooms in on the Rizzler taking a bite from a costco chicken bake while a sobbing Mr Beast projectile vomits into a bush in the background. View quoted note →