My grandfather invented the cold air balloon. Unfortunately the idea never got off the ground.

Me: You want to hear my Batman impression? Them: Sure, let’s hear it. Me: Oh no! It’s kryptonite! My only weakness!! Them: I think that’s Superman. Me: Thanks! I’ve been practicing!!

Coughed up a couple of pawns. I might have a chess infection.

#Dgar did a bit of recording today.

Although Jesus was known as a carpenter, he never actually sang or performed on any of their albums.

I recently purchased 51% of a vampire hunting company. I am now the main stake holder.

Salesperson: This car will seat six people without any issues. Me: I don’t think I know six people without any issues.

Them: Wow, that’s a lot of books. Do any of them open a secret door? Me: Yeah. They all do.